“Hell no, absolutely not” is a common reaction when people are asked how they feel about talking about sex with their healthcare providers. Whether it is your therapist or primary care provider, many people feel awkward and find the idea intimidating before the conversation even starts.

Sexual health and sexuality are important parts of our overall well-being. Sex can affect our relationships, our self-image, and the way we connect with others. It can also bring up a wide range of emotions related to sexuality, intimacy, and desire. It is also important to note that there is a strong connection between sexual health and mental health.

Spend any amount of time on the mental health side of TikTok or Instagram, and you will likely come across someone talking about how their new medication “took their orgasm”, how SSRIs decreased their libido, or how they no longer feel as confident or desirable. You may even find people who feel they have to choose between their mental health and their sexuality. Many people accept this as simply “it is what it is,” but what if it is not? What if having these conversations with your provider could help you find the best of both worlds? What if you could feel better emotionally and “keep your orgasm”?

There are many reasons to talk about sex and intimacy with your provider. It may be about finding a medication that is a better fit, addressing unwanted side effects, or getting a referral to someone who specializes in sexual health concerns. You might also want help communicating your wants and desires to a partner, increasing arousal or desire, exploring questions about sexuality or sexual orientation, or processing the impact of past trauma on your sex life and relationships.

So we can see why it is beneficial, but how do we actually start the conversation?

The first step is determining whether your therapist or provider feels comfortable discussing these topics. You are well within your rights to ask. You might say something like, “Hey, I am having concerns about ___ . Is that something we can talk about here, or is there someone you can refer me to?” If they feel the issue is outside their area of expertise, they will often have referral options available.

Another option is to write it down beforehand. Prior to your appointment/session, take some time to write out your concerns and what you would like to say. You can even read directly from your notes during the appointment. Writing things down can help you organize your thoughts, and clarify what you want to communicate. Another benefit is you can change it as many times as needed prior to the visit.

You can also do some research online. While I rarely recommend relying on Dr. Google, the internet can be a useful tool if you feel your current provider may not be the right fit for these conversations. If you are looking for a therapist, consider searching for someone who specifically states they work with sexuality, intimacy, or sexual health concerns, or someone who identifies as a sex therapist.

Talking about sex, intimacy, and sexuality can feel uncomfortable, but discomfort should not stop you from getting the support you deserve. Yes it is intimidating, and yes it can feel daunting, but you do not have to choose between your emotional health, relationships or sexual wellbeing. Talking about it may be what helps to heal all three. 

Jenny Morales is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist practicing at Clear Mind Group in Florida. Call 407-494-5280 for a consultation. Follow Clear Mind Group on X, BlueSky, and Facebook.