When a spouse cheats, there can be the thought of “I should have known” by the betrayed party. The person may feel foolish or blind and doubt his/her ability to move forward with trust.
Trust is a concept without form. Assessment is a skill we constantly use. However, trust is conceptual and an illusion.
Imagine that you are to hire someone for a job. You do so and the applicant filled out the resume while leaving off several jobs from which he/she had been fired, not mentioning regular drug use, or a history of workplace violence.
Based on the information provided, you assessed the situation and moved forward accordingly.
When sometime later you find out the hidden information, you will assess them differently with this new body of knowledge. Whether you work with or fire the employee depend on many factors and is your choice.
Will you ever see the employee as being free of that history? Certainly not; that would not make sense. Can the employee change? Absolutely; people change constantly. You will automatically bring the new information about the employee into your awareness and assess them on an ongoing basis based on their continuing behaviors.
Your powers of assessment are just fine and always have been. You were merely given misinformation from which to make the assessment. There is nothing to be done with regard to trust or assessment beyond what you have always been doing.
For individual therapy or couples’ counseling after a betrayal without judgment, call for an appointment at 954-612-9553.
Autumn Hahn is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist practicing at Clear Mind Group in Weston, Florida. Call 954-612-9553 for a consultation. Follow Autumn on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. Sign up for the e-newsletter HERE.
In recovery from substance abuse, there are many options, though many people who have had success, or heard of others having success, with a particular route will encourage you to follow that path. The correct answer for you is personal and it may mean you have to try out several options. Continue reading “Goldilocks in Recovery”
Some people want you to succeed.
They see and experience all the wonderment of who you are and the gifts you have to share.
They are interested and invested (with time, money or energy) in who, what and how you contribute to the world: including your mistakes and failures.
They are supportive when you are called away to other people, places and situations that fuel your soul, inspire your mind and energize your body.
They don’t need you in order to feel accomplished and safe in their own lives. Yet they know intuitively that they need you to be accomplished and safe in your own life and will speak truth (with love) to help you get there.
This is your Wise Council. This week, I invite you to listen.
Two living rooms
Growing up in Los Angeles, I only saw homes with a common living room. When I moved to South Florida, I started seeing two living rooms, something which is apparently common. You have your formal living room, a space for adults to entertain colleagues, acquaintance, and those they want to impress. A little further in is your family room, what I had known as a living room, where the TV, video games, and books are kept, where the family and close friends gather to converse and spend time together.
There are boundaries you can set in your life, such as who has certain information about you. Continue reading “Your formal living room”
A friend called me the other day raving about the new gadget that she had saved for, shopped for, invested in, and finally owned. Two weeks later I asked her about it:
“It’s too complicated. I can’t figure out how to make it work.”
“What about the User Manual?” I suggested.
“I don’t have the time. I’m just going to get rid of it.”
Unfortunately, I find this to be a similar way of thinking in many relationships:
Continue reading “User Manual – Guest Blog by Julie Davis, LMFT”