When a spouse cheats, there can be the thought of “I should have known” by the betrayed party. The person may feel foolish or blind and doubt his/her ability to move forward with trust.
Trust is a concept without form. Assessment is a skill we constantly use. However, trust is conceptual and an illusion.
Imagine that you are to hire someone for a job. You do so and the applicant filled out the resume while leaving off several jobs from which he/she had been fired, not mentioning regular drug use, or a history of workplace violence.
Based on the information provided, you assessed the situation and moved forward accordingly.
When sometime later you find out the hidden information, you will assess them differently with this new body of knowledge. Whether you work with or fire the employee depend on many factors and is your choice.
Will you ever see the employee as being free of that history? Certainly not; that would not make sense. Can the employee change? Absolutely; people change constantly. You will automatically bring the new information about the employee into your awareness and assess them on an ongoing basis based on their continuing behaviors.
Your powers of assessment are just fine and always have been. You were merely given misinformation from which to make the assessment. There is nothing to be done with regard to trust or assessment beyond what you have always been doing.
For individual therapy or couples’ counseling after a betrayal without judgment, call for an appointment at 954-612-9553.
Autumn Hahn is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist practicing at Clear Mind Group in Weston, Florida. Call 954-612-9553 for a consultation. Follow Autumn on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. Sign up for the e-newsletter HERE.