Good Kids; Yes, Even Yours

0Bubble_Wrap_Your_Kid_Cover_for_KindleAvoid arguments with your child and encourage compliance by scaling the number of choices down by the age and stage of your child. For children under 10, 2 options will be sufficient. Lay out tomorrow’s clothes and ask, “Would you rather wear the brown pants or the green ones?” As your child ages, so do the decisions. “Would you rather have the Spiderman backpack or the Dora one?”

Set a pattern for narrowing things down to 2 choices and choosing between them. This helps to avoid arguments such as “I want them all” when he or she knows you will only allow a choice of 2, and then only 1 of those 2 items. You can counter with, “These are all great ideas for your friend’s birthday gift. Narrow it down to 2 and I can help you choose between them.” And then help him or her decide with a statement such as “Those are both great gifts for your friend’s birthday! Which one do you think he would like better?”

As your child becomes a preteen and a teenager and wants to do more things for him or herself, continue limiting choices in the pattern you have already set by saying things like, “You may attend the party. Would you rather have us pick you up or will you get a ride home?” And continue that narrowing process as you help him or her pick a college by asking if he or she would rather be in-state or out-of-state, in a cold climate or a warm climate, at a party school or a serious one, at a school where friends will be attending or on his or her own, in the dorms or in an apartment? This process is a lifelong skill to narrow options until a satisfactory choice is made.

Author and psychologist Wendy Mogel writes, “Creativity blossoms when it faces limits. A sonnet is fourteen lines, a haiku just three. When water is allowed to sprinkle it loses pressure, but when it is channeled through a hose the flow is more powerful.”

For more parenting tips like this pick up Bubble Wrap Your Kids by Autumn Hahn at Amazon.

Autumn Hahn is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist practicing at Clear Mind Group in Weston, Florida. Call 954-612-9553 for a consultation. Follow Autumn on TwitterFacebook, and Google+. Sign up for the e-newsletter HERE.

Communicating with Infants

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My Mom always treated children like tiny people, because they are. With your infant, when in doubt, do the following, according to my Mom.

My Mom loves babies, both my parents do. Mom always said, babies can’t talk, but they want to, so they cry. And when they cry, do the following, in this order:

  1. Pick them up.
  2. Alter their view (laying/sitting, direction).
  3. Offer them attention.
  4. Offer them food.
  5. Change their diaper.
  6. Take all their clothes off.
  7. Submerge them in water.

I always thought it was a bit of a strange list until I asked one day and she explained.

Pick them up because maybe their clothes are folded under them in an uncomfortable way, or their sock is crooked. Think of the hundreds of tiny adjustments you make to your hair, your clothes, your glasses every day. Babies are incapable of brushing a stray hair from their forehead that is annoying them.

Alter their view from sitting to laying down, from laying down to sitting, from sitting to standing. Face them a different direction. Maybe the sun is in their eyes or they’re getting hot, or they just want to fidget. Adults do this all the time through greater motor control by tapping a foot or twirling a pencil.

Offer them attention because they’re bored or anxious or curious about what you’re saying or doing and want to participate. Allow them to participate, at least through proximity. Offer some mental stimulation and a smile, even if you don’t feel like it.

Offer them food because maybe that cry means “I could go for a snack right now.”

Change their diaper, and this should be an obvious reason. Even if a diaper was not soiled, Mom never skipped this step because “if the thigh is creased from the diaper or the genitals are folded in an uncomfortable position, wouldn’t you want that fixed right away, and not just when there was a mess?” If you’re thinking of the expense (and cost the the environment) of throwing away “perfectly good” disposable diapers, Mom never used them, and with my son, I rarely used them. You can absolutely reuse cloth diapers that are not soiled. [I won’t get on any soap box about cloth diapers, but they’re a great idea, not only for the environment, but also you’ll change the baby more often and there is less rash and other problems as a result.]

Take all their clothes off because something may be pinching, twisted, or in some way uncomfortable. Or maybe they’re hot or sweaty. Or maybe they’ll just enjoy the breeze. My parents were naturalists, and I am almost surprised this didn’t come higher on the list. It does have to feel strange for babies, used to the nude floating in the womb to come into contact with so many textures so close to their skin.

Submerge them in water because it’s what they know and it’s good for each of us to connect with the elements. This can be a quick sink-bath or a dip in the ocean, but she said a person in water was a content person. After all, why do so many vacations take place on a beach?

Autumn Hahn is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist practicing at Clear Mind Group in Weston, Florida. Call 954-612-9553 for a consultation. Follow Autumn on TwitterFacebook, and Google+. Sign up for the e-newsletter HERE.